TEETHING BITES

I sent you to Grandma's house in this onesie today. It was especially fitting after our night last night. For the last several days, you have had a low grade fever on and off, which has been sad, but do-able. A rotation of Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen every 4 hours, baths, snuggles and naps and you are good to go. But last night was different. Last night, there was no fever, just pain. And screaming. And a broken-hearted, wish-I-could-take-it-all-away mommy. I felt so completely helpless. You went to bed at 9:30 easy enough. But at 11:00, you woke up SCREAMING. By 11:30, medicines hadn't helped, you were exhausted, so was I, and all you wanted was momma. So I tried sneaking you into my bed. You just screamed, tears running down your cheek, your little body clenching with frustration. At 12:00, you signed "eat" and pointed out to the living room, so we went out and had a snack. As I prepared popsicles, you impatiently gathered up your must-have toys of the moment (a baseball, wiffle ball and a stegosaurus) then joined me in the kitchen to demand a banana. As we watched Curious George and you ate your popsicle and yogurt, you settled down and started getting sleepy. Around 12:30, you were ready to go back to bed and watch a movie, but you demanded your toys and banana join you. I tossed your toys in your crib, you tossed the banana in, and then, as I set you in, I was barely able to grab the banana before you squished it. You sat in your crib tearing up a piece of bread, sipping water and watching Cars for a good hour before the screaming started again. At 1:45, after orajel, teething tablets, rocking and cuddles hadn't worked and you were just shaking in pain and frustration, so we got in the car and went for a drive around Roy, where you finally fell asleep. At 2:00, I carefully transferred you from car seat to crib. The rest of the night, you would occassionally pout in your sleep, but you at least slept. Momma tried. At 7:20, as I was getting ready for work, you woke up happy enough. When I dropped you off at Grandma's, you seemed fine.

Oh, sweet boy, I certainly hope you have a better day today. Your pain just cuts through me and leaves me feeling helpless. I am usually so confident in my mommy abilities, knowing that I am doing everything as best as I can, whatever's best for you and us, but last night, I felt weak and unsure. I was scared. I hate not knowing what to do. You always seem so big and strong and tough to me, to see you so hurt and so much like a baby surprises me. I forget sometimes how little you really are. I forget that you cannot tell me what is wrong, because I've always just known. I forget that you need me for so much, because I always just do. I forget, you really are just my baby. And, no matter how big you get, you always will be. I will always hate to see you hurt. I will always want to just take it all way. I will never have all the answers, baby boy, but I will always have open arms. I love you sweetheart. I hope you have a better day today.

~mommy